Ask Denmark
by AudioSafari
Summary: "Lock up your daughters, folks! The Kingdom of Denmark is in the house!" A Q&A with The World's Happiest Country.
1. Intro

_Hej_, internet! It's the one and only Denmark!

Lately I've been noticin' something weird. The rest of my fellow nations have been havin' little Q&A sessions with their respective fans. And that's all good and stuff.

BUT NO ONE WANTS TO ASK ME ANYTHING.

Seriously, _HVA FAN? _I mean, there are people out there who're askin' SWEDEN questions. _SWEDEN. _Who the hell wants to ask _him _anything?! The guy's a total wet blanket, not to mention that those glasses of his are _so_ last year. (Really, dude. Get yourself some contacts...)

So! On the behalf of all my fellow Danes, I, the Great Kingdom of Denmark, will be taking the liberty of answerin' anything you guys can think of, like how and where I got a hold of my axe, and what that little hair of Norway's head _really _does...

Ack! I can hear him coming up the stairs now! I've gotta scram, he'll ****** me if he finds out I've been using his computer! _Farvel, _my loyal subjects!

...

**I'VE JUMPED ON THE BANDWAGON.  
Oh Denny, you complete me. I though this would be fun to do for him since the man has a stupid, snarky remark for everything. So send some questions in for us, we'll be waiting!  
And don't worry, I love Sweden. I'd never do anything to hurt his feelings~.  
**


	2. Writing In The Dark

Hello again, folks! It's me. I was barely able to get off of Nor's computer before he came into the room last time, so now I'm writing this under the cover of darkness. But wow, so many questions already! Let's get this baby rollin', _okej?_

This first question is a real doozy, a five-parter! Sorry, but I'll only answer a couple to give some other folks a chance. It's from a gal called **HinataLavender**, and she asks-

_Yo! Danmaku-san! Eh....No...Denmaaku-san! I have a question for ya! 1.) Norway's computer? Why don't you get your own? 2.) Most of the time I see that your easily got bored. What happens with that? 5.) What's that little hair thingy at Norway's head? Since your his best friend, your supposed to know._

Oh ho, right to the point, eh? Alright, I'll tell you! Most people think that Nor's little hair thingy is an erogenous zone. But in fact, it's something far more deadly... I don't know what makes it like that, but whenever someone touches that little hair he goes ballistic! The stoic and adorable Nor that everyone loves is replaced with a punching, flailing, destroying _thing. _When I didn't know better I tried grabbing it a few times... um, let's just say that there's fanart out there that described what happened next...

My computer? Er, it kind of, y'know.... broke. *Coughdroppedmyaxedownaflightofstairsandthecomputerwasatthebottomcough* As for being bored, it's not my fault that there's not a lot to do during the day! And porn can only get that exiting after you've seen the same flick for the umpteenth time (Another reason why I'm using Nor's computer).

The next letter is from someone named **Destinydei**, and asks me-

_Lock up your daughters? Why so serious? What about Tino? Tell me what you think about him._

'Cause I'm a total pimp.  
Finnie's a good kid. He's like a little rabbit, always hopping around from place to place, and he's always doin' stuff for his friends and his _husband. _Ech. It's too bad he's stuck with that looserface. Well, at least he's with someone he loves... I kind of envy him for that.

Er, movin' on. A Ms.**Lethal Shuriken** asks me a toughie-

_Denmark! Would you rather see Norway in a cute short dress or Sweden in a clown suit?_

FFFFFFF, why must you pain me with such a difficult decision?! But I think I'll have too go with Nor in the dress. _Mmmmm..._

Huh? Oh yeah, movin' right along. Holy crap, someone named **ImmortalKiky **just sent me a twenty part question!! Ooh, I'll get through all the ones I can manage...

_Ailin here from Norway~ but you know swearing isnt nice, but oh well *shrugs* well now over to spam you with questions... 1. Why do you think of you and the nordica as a big family? 3. Why do you like your axe so much? 5. You're favorite food? 7. People are pairing you up with Sweden, what do you feel?(It's true, im no fan thougt XD) 11. How did you and Norway get friend's anyway? 15. You're favourite color? 17. You're favourite thing ever? 18. Why did you give up so easily when Germany was taking over you're country?_

Hey, swearing is alright in variation. Like sweets and fighting... Aw, screw it. 1.) That's 'cause we are! WE'RE ONE BIG SQUISHY HAPPY FAMILY!! Exept Sweden. Well, I guess he's like that annoying cousin that always crashes your _jul_ parties... 3.) Seriously, have you ever held a battleaxe before?! It's invigorating! Plus it's like havin' a second ****. 5.) It think it would have been easier if you asked me what aren't my favorite foods! I love _pålæg_ and _smørrebrød, fridakeller _meatballs, pastries, butter cookies, _æbleskiver_, herring, potatoes and ham, thick black caviar, jam and honey, chicken dumplings, rye bread, coffee and beer!! 7.) I THINK IT'S DISGUSTIN' AND WRONG! Please, fangirls. Don't make poor little Finnie worry about his husband, write fanfics about _them _doin' it, not us! 11.) Ha, I though no one would ask! I met Nor years and years ago, back when the vikings were still around. I was pretty young and stupid, and I thought I could sail a boat better than anyone. Turns out I was wrong. I got lost at sea, and then days later I floated into this fjord. I start exploring, and pretty far inland I see this pretty little number picking berries in the woods. Her back was turned to me, but I could tell that she had one hell of a body underneath all those furs. So I slowly walk up behind her and say, 'Hey, gorgeous.' I grabbed this little hair that was floating near her head, and suddenly this rock hard fist smashes into my face! I fall back, and even though my head is spinning I can see that this isn't a girl at all, but a dude! Later I learned that he was like me, tells me his name is Norway, and says he'll leave with me. I was thrilled, even when he said 'because you're too stupid to be left alone'. And we've been friends ever since. 15.) I've always liked the color red. 17.) NORWAAAAAAAY~!! 18.) Bosses orders. But I have to admit, if Christian hadn't acted the way he did, I think a lot more danes would have died. He was a good egg, I miss him.

HELP! SOMEONE GET ME SOME WATER! I'M DYIN' OF THIRST HERE!! WATER! WAAAAAATER! WA- Hey look, a beer.

Aahhh, much better! It looks like I have time to answer two more questions! There's a letter from someone named **Minako-nyo**-

_Hi Denny~ Have you ever realized that you look like a hedgehog with that hairstyle? BTW, I'm going to buy a hedgehog pet in a few month and name him Denmark in your honor. Another question! How old are you? You're supposed to be older than Sweden, but you look much younger... don't take that as a compliment, just writing down what I think... _

*Gasp* Are you serious?! Huh, I think I ate a hedgehog once... Hey, I was hungry! And I wouldn't touch your hedgehog. Oh, and your namin' him after me! I'm flattered! Also, I am older than Sweden, though I'm not sure by how much. It's just that eternal frown he's got, it's addin' to his years.

Ok, last one! ..._Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. _This chick named** L.E-chan-Hetalia-DN-fangirl. **sent me a four part question. But I'm only answering the last one-

_4: BECOME ONE WITH RUSSIA, DA?!_

HELL NO. TAKE YOUR CREEPY RUSSIA COOTIES SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Whoa, that beer went fast. I'm gonna see if there's any more in the fridge. I've gotta be quiet though, Norway is sleeping in the next room. I'll catch you guys later!


	3. The Hangover Blues

Oh my _god... _Er, _hej. Hej, _everyone. _He- _Did I already say that? Ugh... Um, well, remember last night? When I said I was gonna go find more beer? Well, I found it. And I did some drinkin'...

I am _SO _hungover right now...

_Fan_, it feels like a construction team is goin' to work in m' head... an' I'm slurring while I write. I dunno how tha's possible. God, who am I, Sweden_? _Er, so I though maybe I should write while I'm hungover. That should be interesting...

Mmmmmmmokay, someone by the name of **Demoness Drakon **is asking-

_Hej Danmark! What is your exact relationship with Norway? Why did Sweden actually want to leave your house? How do you feel about porn/zoophilia/gay marriage being legal in your country? Who do you normally hang out with when Norway kicks you out? All I've got for now and dude if you really need a computer, steal one from Sweden, he's probably got a few hundred lying around. Besides it's not considered stealing if you don't get caught. Love ya man~_

Me and Nor-Nor are just friends. I think. I'm sure. It's hard to think when your head feels like it's gonna bust. An' I don't know why Sweden wanted to leave, he's a douche. Heh heh, I might steal a computer from him, good thinking! I love the fact the porn is legal, and I support gay marriage 100%. I dunno about zoophilia, though. I'm good friends with Holland, so sometimes I find time to crash at his place.

Next. **Anime-Music-93 **says-

_Hey Denmark! Just thought I should tell you some things and hope you answer my questions!_

_Me and my friend read a book and continuously it mentions you and the Flying Dutchman…we giggle every time, my teacher finds it annoying. Just thought I should tell you that. And also– if I go steal Vodka from Russia and give it to you, would you be happy? And would you take the blame if I were to get caught after giving it to you? Also my Friend says Hi…yeah so…_

Hrm. _The Dutchman_, eh? I remember seein' it once, but then again so do a lot of people. And don't go stealin' that vodka just yet, sweetheart. That sh*t is only fit for Russians, let 'em have it! I'd rather have a good Tuborg... though they're not exactly agreein' with me at the moment... Tell yer' friend I said '_hej_'.

_Okej, _next. A chick by the name of **snappygirl **tells me-

_First, I wanted to ask you about one little thing that annoys me_... _Why aren't Danes able to tell the difference between spoken Norwegian and Swedish? I mean, Swedish sounds so GAY! (No offense, Sweden!) Second, I'm going to travel to Denmark this summer! So could you give me a few tips as to what I should see while I'm around? (Something in/close to Copenhagen?) And last... Did you ever noticed the camera in your bedroom?_

First off, lemme quote something.

"_Swedish sounds so GAY."_

THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

_Tusen tak! Tusen, tusen tak! Du ikke kender hvordan lykkelig denne gør mig! Jeg tror jeg vil gå fejre! _Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha- ah?Huh? Oh, _ked_. I got a little carried away. Ooh, but that made me feel so much better! I can feel my hangover start to dissapate! Thanks for makin' my day, kid! I'm not too sure about the language thing though. When Sweden had to go R.U.N.N.O.F.T (the nerve!), he had more time to to fix up his language the way he wanted. Though I have to admit, some of Nor-Nor's dialects (like _Jærsk,_) sound suspiciously like Swedish...

Oh, so you're wantin' to visit _København, _eh? First things first- Head over to Nyhavn t' go see the Mermaid. She's a must. Then go to_ Islands Brygge_. It's an actual swimming pool built in the harbor, and there are some really top notch cafe's in the nearby park. If you like art go to the Staten's museum. I took Nor there once, I think he had a really good time. Make sure to rent a bycicle and go eat some _smørrebrød, _and go catch a show at Vega, the best concert venue in the world! If you ever head north, look for a joint called 'The Laundromat Cafe'- one of th' coolest places ever! If you want you could go to _Christiania_ (the hippie village), but I'd advise against it- I got stoned there once and I didn't find my way back home for days.

FFFFFFWHATDOYOUMEANWHATCAMERA? *Looks around office*

Ooh, all this typing is making my head spin. Just gimme a sec here...

**Minako-nyo** is back. This time she's asks:

_Hi~ it's me again. Why do you deny what you have with Norway? Everybody knows that you two are sex mates 'cause he doesn't allow you to be anything else! Wait, YOU ATE A HEDGEHOG? AREN'T HEDGEHOGS SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTED BY LAW IN DENMARK? BTW, Do you smoke?_

_Sigh... _Does everyone really want to know that bad? Fine I'll tell you. Norway and I have an on/off sexual relationship. It all depends on what mood he's in. We could be 'boyfriends' for a couple of days, maybe a week. The longest I think we've been together was about two months. Then one day he won't want anything to do with me, so we go back to being just friends. That's where we are now. And hey, I said I _thought _I ate a hedgehog once! And that was before th' law was passed. And I do smoke, though not every day. Only when I'm stressed or on special occasions. Though I must warn you, NEVER SMOKE WHEN YOU'RE HUNGOVER. I tried it before I started to type, and for a moment I thought I was actually dyslexic.

The last question for the day, and it's from **L. Hawk**.

_Hej Denmark. First of all, I think your Axe is awesome. Now to the questions. I actually only have one burning question, and that is, have you ever had to use you axe to break up a fight between your king or queen and prime minister, or between your prime minister and other ministers?_

_Tak, _it's good to see that fine weaponry is still admired. And yes, I have had to break up political fights, though not with my axe. Disappointing, isn't it?

Alright, crew. That's all th' typing my hangover will allow me. I've gotta go make a pot of coffee now... make that two. Maybe four.

**Ramblin' time!  
Sorry for those who were waiting for their questions to be answered, I've been uber busy lately! I've been studying for my PTC summer lecture finals (YAY!), helping out at my mom's bakery, and FOSTERING KITTENS. THAT'S RIGHT. Their mommy was one of the wild house cats that lived behind our bakery, and she had them in the back of one of our delivery vans! We didn't want them to grow up to be like the other cats there, so we took them home when they were old enough. They're doing just fine, and now we're looking for good homes for all of them! The next installment will be a while coming, I've decided to work on a collaboration with the wonderfull Ms. Anina-chan! We'll see you guys soon with the new installments of our stories!  
Ps- Yes, that's how you actually spell Copenhagen. It's pronounced**_** 'Kuh-ben-haun'**_**. Say it with me. And before anybody asks me about the R.U.N.N.O.F.T... I LOVE '**_**OH BROTHER WHERE ART THOU'**_**. LEAVE ME ALONE. That is all**.


End file.
